Yo Mamma's feet so skanky that when your family wants jam pieces, she gets yo brother to run a loaf of bread between her toes.

I got notin bad to say about Yo Momma - heck, her face says it all...

Yo Momma so stinkin gross that a skunk smelled her butt and passed out.

You brother so hairy Big foot is taking his picture..

Yo Mother in law so stinky she use Right Guard and Left Guard.

Yo Momma like a mailbox, open all day and all night...

Yo momma's so clumsy, she got tangled up in a Mobile phone.

Only job yo ever gonna get is as a blind bird-watcher.

Yo Momma is so flat chested she jealous of the wall.

Yo Momma house so small that I put my Key in the doorlock and broke the freakin back window!

Yo Momma so old she drives a chariot to work.

Yo Momma is so stupid and poor that when I came over for Dinner she read me recipes...

Yo mama's so nice, she offered me the hair off her back.

I's apologise for talkin bout Yo Mama...I should know better...heck, I don't even know the Man...

No seriously, under all that hair yo Mama is really a Saint....a saint Bernard!

Yo Momma still so fat she wears a Microwave as a beeper.

Yo Momma so huge she stole my pillow cases when she ran outta socks.

Yo momma should be locked away, cos every time she moons people they turn into werewolves

She nasty too ya know - yo daddy just got out of hospital after eating her out - he caught food poisining...

Yo'momma so ugly she actually is very good at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so short she can hang glides Doritos.

Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy.

Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like crap.

Yo momma's so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.

Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed.

Your Momma's so hairy, Jane Goodall follows him around.

Yo Momma's nose so long, it make Steffi Graf jealous...

Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.

Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!

Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.

Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.

Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.

Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars .

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out! Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!!

Yo momma so ugly that her face will make a freight train take a dirt road!

Yo momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.

Yo momma so ugly, she walked into taco bell and they all ran for the border!

Yo momma so ugly people go ask her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter.

Yo momma so old, she has Jesus' beeper number!

Yo momma so old, her social security number is 1!

Yo momma so old, she older than yo grandma!

Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch!

Yo momma so old that when she was in school, there was no history class.

Yo momma so old, she owes Jesus 3 bucks! Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!

Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo momma so old when she reads the bible she reminisces.
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YO MOMMA IS SO FAT.....

they had to let out the shower curtain

Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm. One for each time zone

so fat, her blood type is Ragu

after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party

she don't take pictures, she takes poster

that when we went out to the restaurant she looked at the menu and said sounds good

she put on a Malcolm X T-shirt and a helicopter tried to land on her

she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out.

that the last time she saw 90210 was on the scales

she wears two watches -- one for each time zone!

she needs one barstool for each butt chee

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears her "B.V.D."s they spell boulevard!

Yo mama's so fat, she's got more nooks and crannies than an English Muffin
, that she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

that this town really ISN'T big enough for the both of us

she has more rolls then the towns bakery

the only way to get her out of a telephone booth is to grease her thighs and throw a
Twinkie in the street.

she drives a spandex car

she wore guess jeans and the answer popped out.

her clothes come in three different sizes large, extra large, and oh my god its coming!

that when she fell in love she broke i

when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

folk exercise by jogging around her!

when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy

she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer

she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...

small objects orbit her.

she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

she could be the eighth continent.

she nearly put Safeway out of business

the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

her fave food is seconds.

her belt size is Equator.

she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid

she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her

she shows up on radar.

she needs a map to find her butt.

she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!

she wears an asteroid belt.

her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'

she has TB ... 2 bellys.

she's once, twice, three times a lady.

she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

the circus use her as a trampoline

stunt agencies use her as an air mattress

when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'

she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen

she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

she deep fries her toothpaste.
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Yo Momma is So Stupid......

she took a spoon to the super bowl
I told her to take out the trash and she moved!
she drove all the way to New Mexico with the handbrake on.
she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.
she bought a used ring that has never been worn.
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'
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YO MOMMA IS SO UGLY.......

they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

she looks out the window and gets arrested!

even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

she's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border

it looks like her neck threw up

she put the Boogie man outta business.

she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt

when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'

she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!

minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."

they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.

when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!

yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...

she put Marilyn Manson out of business.

she was a guard at Snake Mountain

they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...

even Harry Knowles refused to date her.

they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!

she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.

Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.

you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.

she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.

we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.

I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.

her shadow gave up.

people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...

her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.

when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.

hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.

instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.

they gave her a middle name...'accident'.

she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.

when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!

even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...

when she was born the Doc smacked her face.

You Momma so Ugly that she's got her very own Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags named after her...
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YO MOMMA IS SO POOR.......

when I asked her why she was kickin that tin can across the street she said she was moving

that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

they put her photo on food stamps.

when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

burglars break into her home and leave money.

when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

the building society repossed her cardboard box.

she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers clean

she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.

I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'

I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."

I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."

only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...

when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."

she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...

she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"

I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"

I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"

You Momma so Poor it took her 10 years to pay for a 5 dollar Crazy Prank & Hilarious Gag set...
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YO MOMMA IS SO SMELLY........

the government make her wear a Biohazard warning

she made Right Guard call for backup.

even the dogs won't smell her.

an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"

that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...

she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.

her poo is glad to escape.

that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!

that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...

that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...

even sewer rats get outta her way...

that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...

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YO MOMMA IS SO DIRTY......

she has to creep up on the bath water.

that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.

that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.

she lost 2 stone after taking a shower

that even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.

that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.
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YO MOMMA IS SO GREASY.......

Texaco buy oil from her

she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...

her freckles slipped off.

the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry

she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed

her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

she uses bacon as a band aid.
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YO MOMMA IS SO OLD.....

she left her purse on Noah's Ark.

Jurassic Park brought back the memories...

when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.

she still owes Moses a dollar.

when she was at school...there was No history class!

she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea

she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.

when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock

she even made Yoda jealous.

she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.

the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake

when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.

she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade

her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

her birthday expired.

when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!

she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.